HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!

It's MOTHER'S DAY. A day to reflect on your children, take in the love of a spouse and resign yourself to not do anything all day in recognition of the effort and pain you went through to BECOME a mother...yeah, right. Any real mom (this being a mother who does not enlist the help of a full time nanny so she can go shop and feign parenting angst) knows that taking a day off is not necessarily ever going to happen. I travel for work, and though I am away from my kids, I still have to take care of grown-up children. SO in honor of the day where we mom's get a free breakfast made with love or an extra hug, I want to outline my idea of a perfect mother's day - and it involves NO MONEY.

1. Sleeping In
   This simple gesture on the part of the ones you love could mean more than a relaxing spa day. Imagine - SLEEPING IN. Not just sleeping in until 7am as your kids decided to give you the extra 1/2 hour, but lounging in dreamland for a few extra hours without having to be woken up by a child. Absolute bliss. Add a comfy room and the pleasant sounds of a ceiling fan to lull you to sleep, and Dreamland, here you come!
2. Breakfast
   I give kudos to my husband for making breakfast this morning - pancakes. This simple gesture means two things: ONE, YOU don't have to make it, and TWO: YOU don't have to clean up after it. Now granted, a mother needs to then be satisfied with the meal placed before her. Might I suggest adding fruit, her favorite beverage and placing mom far away from any child that will be removing from her breakfast enjoyment by needing help cutting, chewing or drinking.
   
3. No Expectations All Day
   Mom has ZERO obligations all day. Laundry, cleaning, child bathing, diaper duty, financial woes, driving, cooking, etc - these are all things that will be taken care of without mom having to mention them or even worry they won't be accomplished. I would spend my "no obligation" day sleeping, writing, watching a movie, going for a walk or even embarking on a project of my choosing...all sans interruption - like back in the day before the blessings of children came into being.
4. Lunch/Dinner
   Like breakfast, and in line with point #3, food prep and meal planning will be in the hands of others. Mom can dictate the meal and even choose the restaurant (yes, I said these would all be FREE, but I didn't say for WHO) that will be visited. Mom gets to eat first and eat SLOWLY - again, sans interruption.
   
5. MASSAGE
   Feet, back, neck, legs - everything. I suggest dad or significant other takes on this task in conjunction with wine and many MANY comments on the beauty and perfection of the mom in question.
   
6. Bubble Bath
   Now, some moms aren't big on this - but I am. Nothing soothes aching muscles, fried nerves and a week-long headache like a warm bath. Locking oneself in a room where candles can be lit, a good book can be employed and the world can be shut out of is therapy you need (especially the working moms - as we ALL are - I mean even stay at home mom's work their butts off). During bath time, NO INTERRUPTIONS (note the recurring theme). SHOULD you have a tub like mine where it isn't luxurious, heck, just pretend.
   
7. Love - Lots of It
   From everyone and to everyone. Recognize all mothers with a phone call, hug, facebook message, text, video chat, etc. Love on Mother's Day should equal that given and felt at Christmas. Moms not only help populate the world, we feed it, calm it, discipline it, hug it, teach it, do silly dances with it, tickle it, tackle it, defend it, support it, dress it, kiss its ouchies, sing to it, rock it to sleep, nurse its maladies, make it strong and leave it all the better when we are gone.
   

Centuries of moms have come and gone. Each of us have one or we wouldn't be here (unless you are a test tube birth in a lab somewhere - in which case I am not qualified to tell you to whom you should give your Mother's Day card). I look out my window and see cars rushing by, people walking past an the sun shinning and wonder, "Is each person out there going to see a mom today?" I hope so. Mom's aren't perfect. I admit that. Yes, I too am not perfect, however, like my fellow moms, perfection is what we want for our children, so we tailor the world around them to give them all they need to achieve it.

Happy Mother's Day to my mom, my grandmother, my bio-dad's wife, my mother-in-law, my friends who are moms, my aunts, my sisters, my sister-in-laws and even to those I know who are pregnant for the first time. To these gals I say this - the club you are entering is elite, original and bound by one thing - we KNOW we are always right...the rest of the world just spends their lives realizing that!

Life at 7:05am on a Wednesday

As I sit here in the restaurant at the DoubleTree Hotel in sunny Anaheim, California (wide awake as the time difference has my internal clock all confused), I decided to blog for two reasons:
ONE - why not? I mean it's been a while.
TWO - I need to fill time and maybe someone will want to fill their time reading something completely random like this post.
So let's break it down into the many MANY facets of my life as I cruise along the 32nd year of my life. (and i promise - the picture will make more sense at the end BUT it caught your attention I bet).

MY MARRIAGE

Perhaps the most BUSY part of my life. To date, my hubby and I have enjoyed nearly 10 years of marriage. It hasn't all been wine and roses (though they have made many appearances). Marriage is tough. Anybody who IS married, or is planning on getting married, and HASN'T realized this is either in denial or in a coma. It is frustrating, tiring, scary and even annoying at times. I know we have had large ups and gigantic, world-ending downs. But this aside, marriage is also something that I don't think gets enough credit by today's culture. I know my marriage has taught me how to love, survive, laugh and made me the person I am. Marriage is hard, but it is also the easiest thing in the world IF you have a good one. What's easier than coming home to your best friend? What's easier that sitting in a room together watching a movie in happy silence? What's easier than being able to say everything in one smile? Marriage is a life-long lesson that we all hope to get right. Those of us lucky enough to see 10, 20 or 60 years of it have a special gift (cheesy as it sounds) that is not only rare, but AMAZING.

MY SONS

I have two. ONE is 3 going on 30. He is my little man, my mini-me and my daily reminder that the world does have beauty to offer. He can spell his name, both by writing it AND using sign language. He's SUPER smart - so much so it staggers me on a daily basis. Everyone says they have a brilliant child (it's a parental boasting right). But honest to God, I have a brilliant child. I am just amazed that I made this little person who one minute is spelling his name and the next is rockin' out to 80's music. Parenting is hard - at BELIEVE ME - I have wanted to staple him to the carpet on MANY occasions. Parenting is also fun. I didn't want kids for most of my life. Now that I have them, I wonder - WHAT was I thinking? Ok, ok, ok - so I can't just go out and I am beyond broke, but I have little people who love me EVEN if we lived in a box and ate nothing but Mac n Cheese (which I think Noah would prefer anyway).

My other son is deaf. It took a while for me to be comfortable saying this.

DEAF

This little four letter word is feared by hearing parents like me. It's like CANCER or BIRTH DEFECT - things that you learn about on TV but never expect to have in your life. However, I have learned that DEAF is like BRUNETTE or RIGHT HANDED - it's just an aspect of an overall person. Also, we recently learned that he is deaf due to a genetic trait that both my husband and I have to be carriers of in order for our child to BE deaf. The chances of this are only 3%...yeah - FATE isn't quiet when it wants your attention. We were meant to have little Eli. Meant to be together and meant to journey this path.

Cochlear Implant time is also approaching for our little man. I watch him grow in his silence - which in anything BUT silent. He babbles and observes. He is as in-tune to the world as a hawk. His smile could melt the most iron of hearts. I can tell already he is loving and has a stellar personality. The implant will give him another tool to navigate his life. Should he choose to remain in the deaf community, we plan to continue to learn ASL (which Noah is a whiz at). Jake and I are trying to put everything in perspective and keep on track, but doubts do creep in. Only affirmation from friends, new and old, reminds us that we are doing what good parents should - give our child all the advantages and options the world today can offer.

MY JOB

This brings me to why I am at a table in the Trofi restaurant at my hotel. As the "Marketing Communications & Creative Manager" I travel a lot. Currently I am in Anaheim cranking out many projects for 2 of the 4 brands I work with. Travel is ok. I don't mind it BUT it gets lonely and I miss my family a lot. Apparently I am doing well at my job. My sales reps love the help and planning I put into the various trade shows I am in charge of. My department heads are satisfied with my skills and abilities. All in all I don't think I'll be searching for a job anytime soon. I like the variety I have and - as always - am astounded by the faith my coworkers have in my abilities. It makes me feel like I actually know what I am doing.

I just got my masters in Consumer Psychology - so now I have a MOUNTAIN of debt instead of just a hill. Basically it means I can say I have a masters...yeah, that's about it. BUT I am hopeful the skills I have learned will translate to my job and into my future career ultimately leading to a PhD and the purchase of the Jaguar I so desperately want. And I want world peace.

SO that's it folks. That is life to date for Jamie Lea Los. Mother. Professional. Friend. Wife. Daughter. Sister....and all around Wonder Woman (as Noah calls me - as some days he is Batman or Kid Flash or Silver Surfer or Spiderman). I think all women are Wonder Woman. We females should never forget that. Single or married, with or without kids, we are amazing. Men have kept us in the shadows for centuries not because they view us as weak, but because (I believe) they know how amazing we are. SO to all the WONDER WOMEN out there from Anaheim, California I say HAVE AN AMAZING DAY and YOU PRETTY MUCH ROCK.

Implanting Tomorrows

So here we sit. Eli is now 8 months old and growing like a weed. He's healthy, big and happy. In fact, he's well in the 96% range for height...and weighs 20 lbs. For comparison, Noah, who is 3, weighs only 34 lbs. SO, with that in mind, the Cochlear Team feels Eli could have his first implant before he turns a year old. It's a pretty sweet deal. However, looking at implant options and talking about two surgeries (implant one side, then 3 months later, the other), I pause to contemplate the world.

FIRST we have had SUPERB help from our Birth to 3 program, our Deaf Mentor (Sarah, who basically rocks), our Guide-by-Your-Side (Karen), our ENT (Dr Chun), our audiologist, implant team and more I can't think of. I didn't realize one little boy could be important to so many people, so many strangers, so quickly. We have been blessed with good insurance and live in a community with a stellar health system. We also are lucky to be able to have jobs where we can go to appointments and not worry about losing income. So far, all is well. For this, I am beyond grateful.

SECOND, we are learning sign language. Sarah, our mentor, is like Eli in that she has profound hearing loss. What this means is that they can hear...but unless the sound is a BOOMING jet engine, there will be no recognition. SO, until the implant process is at hand, we are learning sign language. Sarah doesn't speak at all, so we are learning a LOT by immersion. Noah is a signing fiend. I am so proud of him. He asks Sarah how to sign things all the time. Ask him to sign "Buzz" (as in Lightyear) for you. It's cute.

FINALLY, I think of those in my family and my friends who ask about Eli and support our journey. There are not words to explain how critical this it to us. Eli's smile makes you fall in love with him instantly, so support is not hard to come by, but it's important to recognize it and say THANK YOU!

SO there you go, my thoughts on the process to date. We have MONDO appointments with our cochlear team in the next several weeks. My little man has many people working to "fix his ears," as Noah puts it. Who knew Noah was on the right track when he told Jake that we just needed to change the batteries in Eli's ears.

So I gave a homeless girl $20 today...

Here I am, in San Francisco. It is the Gay Mecca, busting out with Chinese culture and fashionable. It is also heavy with homeless. You can't walk more than 10 feet without literally bumping into a homeless person. Granted, being homeless in California isn't like being homeless in Chicago...but the sheer amount is staggering.

So, it "begs" the question - are those who give to the homeless "schmucks?"

No - I say if you give money to another human being, good on you. Sure, they may buy booze and they may buy drugs, but so might a non-homeless person. Plus you don't know the circumstances that made them homeless, so who are you to judge? So yes, I gave a homeless girl $20.

She was different.

She was sitting on the sidewalk outside the posh stores down Powell St. She was bent over reading a thick novel. Next to her was a little wire-haired Benji dog. She had 3 backpacks and a suitcase behind her. She also had a sign that read "HUNGRY, HOMELESS AND PREGNANT. Any little bit helps me and my family." I could see her bulging pre-belly, and thought, heck, who am I to judge. Yes, I too need money, but at least I have a home, a job and that job put me in San Fran where I had the fortune of walking past this girl.

I handed her the money and she looked shocked and grateful. She had MANY tatoos on her face, arms ad body, rotting teeth and wore thick glasses. She almost looked like she was going to cry. I told her that I just had a baby, and I can't imagine life without a place to call home for him. She asked his name and I said, "Elijah." I learned that she too had a son named Elijah who was a year old. She doesn't take him out with her when she begs for money. I didn't get tell her that Eli is almost totally deaf, but she told me that HER Elijah has hearing problems...

...talk about COINCIDENCE...

So I bid her good luck, God bless, and started to walk away. She called after me, "Congrats and thank you!"

So who knows, maybe she'll by drugs and maybe she'll get booze...or just maybe she'll get her little Elijah a happy meal and eat something to help her new baby to grow. It was my place to help, not judge. So God, please help that girl and her little family. Life is hard for everyone - and I need to just think of her to realize that it could be so much worse.

Options...we are obsessed with them!

In today's materialistic society of individuals trying to be part of the group but stand out, there are just too many options. What I mean is you can now trick out anything from your car to your shoes to yes, even your braces. Customization is key always. We want what the Jones' have, but we want it different enough to be similar but better...

Options are part of life as well. You can take road A or road B; or even road C if A and B are not to your liking. Do you go to college or straight to a job? Do you get a Big Mac or a sub? Do you buy import or American? Do you marry and have kids or have kids and marry? Tatoo or piercing? Both? CHOOSE CHOOSE CHOOSE...but choose wisely. With every decision comes consequences; good or bad. Yeah, the latest celeb haircut looks great on the 6 foot blond amazon goddess, but on your average mid-western melon it's a travesty. So the next choice is wig or dye job?

Making endless decisions is part of life, and as adults, we are faced with an endless stream of them from the moment we wake up (go to work or go back to sleep?) to the moment we go to sleep (sleep or sex? - side note, as a parent of 2 small kids, sleep wins 95% of the time). Our choices are always complex and we think we know the outcomes, but more times than not, we are surprised. This compounds once you add children...because now you have to make decisions for a person who YOU made, and who relies on YOU...and you don't want the choices to end up as long therapy sessions at the age of 40 when your now grown up baby thinks their inability to commit stems from the time you couldn't choose between Bambi and Cinderella so you said "well, let's just have a quite night and read the CAT IN THE HAT."

The issue of choice compounds even further when your child has a developmental issue - like my little man and his inability to hear. NOW I am faced with ETHICAL choices...should he get implants or be deaf and choose himself when he's older? Should I go with implant brand A that is waterproof, but brand B has better sound? Do you get one or two implants? Do you start out with sign language or lip reading? Shall your child be a talker or a signer? Do you have insurance to cover this or do you have to wait? Can you afford the copays? BLAH BLAH BLAH....

For an issue concerning a deaf child, there's a lot of noise.

To help alleviate the clutter, we have enrolled in our county's BIRTH TO 3 program which aims to help with these decisions. We will also be visiting an ENT for a second opinion and meet with audiologists and otolaryngologists (say THAT 10 times fast). Each groups will try to help us make decisions...but in the end, it's our choice as parents. What path to take? What is right? What is ethical?

SO when you are 75 and your 40 year old child looks at their life, will they be happy with what you have done for them? As a child myself, the answer isn't always clear. Parents mean well. I just pray my son knows that.

Besides - we can always trick out the implants!

Sometimes there just aren't enough rocks...

You know that scene in Forrest Gump where Jenny and Forrest return to her childhood home and she begins to toss rocks at the house, breaking the windows. She does this to take a small amount of revenge on a father who sexually abused her and destroyed her life. After tossing several rocks, she collapses to the ground and cries. Forrest sums up the experience by saying, "I guess sometimes there just aren't enough rocks."
This is my feeling when it comes to the latest news on my new baby.

Little "Goober" failed his hearing test right after birth. My first child had the same issue, but passed his follow up hearing test with flying colors. I assumed, silly me, that Goober would be the same way. Imagine my dismay when the audiologist said in no uncertain terms, "he has severe to profound hearing loss and is a candidate for cochlear implants."

Toss rock #1.

So my child is deaf? Really? You have a baby and want that little person to be perfect, but here's the thing, it doesn't always work out that way.

Toss rock #2.

I know - it could be WAY worse. He could be missing limbs or blind or have cancer or a list of other atrocities that affect the young in the world. I know this, but those who say "it could be worse" aren't feeling the helplessness and anxiety I am about my little boy who may face surgery in a few months to allow him to hear his mother's voice. Let me at least be upset about this.

Toss rock #3.

SO the rocks are tossed. I haven't improved the situation and all I get is the slight satisfaction that comes with the mental release of writing down your unhappiness. I will now have to let my "mental Forrest Gump" pick me up, brush me off, and point out that there are never enough rocks. So I'll have to stop tossing them, and move on.

So now what? We have an appointment with Goober's pediatrician on Friday to go over the results of the test as the audiologist used words that I had to keep looking up. Then we have to go for a second opinion. Next is a series of hearing aid trials that will then lead to recommendations for the cochlear implants - these can be installed (like he's a car or something) by the time he's one. Studies show that, as we discovered this so early, he'll have a normal life with normal speech patterns and communication abilities. Until then though, it's going to be a long road. We'll have to learn signs to communicate with my baby. My oldest will be wonderful at this as he's already a big helper. My husband is also strong and right there ready to work at this. We can do this and will. Little Goober will be fine and it's just a bump along the way...

My only sadness as this journey starts...little Goober doesn't know the sound of his mommy's voice.

Where's a rock when you need one?

What is strength?

What does it mean to be strong? Does it mean large biceps and the ability to lift twice your body weight? Does it mean standing up for what you believe in when challenged? Does it mean holding up the world when it threatens to crash on those you love? It means all these things, and I have seen strength from my tall, handsome husband and my smallest son.

First - my husband. When the news that our newborn son had to go to the NICU for issues breathing, having just given birth two days earlier, I lost it. Any mother out there will testify that hormones are completely out of control the first few days after you push a human out of your body. Couple this with watching your newborn get rushed out of the room the second he is born as he is not breathing, and news of a trip to the NICU hits like a ton of bricks.

As I collapsed, my husband became a pillar for my family. He protected me from phone calls from family in order to keep my hysteria in check. I know he cried to my family, how could he not? But by me, he was strength beyond strength. He held my hand and assured me that this would all be ok. He was Strength. For this, I love him even more.

Second - my son. Upon his birth, he was unable to breathe. It took an hour to fully get him awake and alert enough to come back to the room and see me. He then steadily declined to the point where the NICU was the only way to assess and treat him. He fought hard to breathe, and after a week, he has progressed enough to cause the oxygen they hooked up to him obsolete. He is now breathing on his own, and if he can keep it up, he can come home.

He showed me that the tiniest person can have enormous strength. His little lungs fought to repair the damage caused from aspirating amniotic fluid, and he's strong, eating well and progressing perfectly. He is Strength.

My men amaze me on a daily basis. From my husband working like crazy to get a teaching job, to my oldest son's kindness, compassion and humor to my new baby's ability to make me laugh at only a week old. These 3 men are my family, my life and my loves. They teach me what strength is, and for that, I am grateful.