To pee or not to pee - and other things

I am sitting at my desk - I have to pee. NOW as a pregnant woman, this is not in any way uncommon. I visit the facilities at work at least 5 times a day if not more. The issue is that I have to travel across a small continent to GET to the bathroom. Anyone who works in an office setting knows that anytime you leave your desk, a giant flashing light appears above your head and anyone who has been looking for you will inevitably walk into your path and engage you in work-related conversations. Sometimes, these conversations even cause you to backtrack to your desk to obtain the answer. So my daily quandry is: How do I travel across the world to the bathroom without detection?

I have gone so far as to go back into the warehouse to walk across the building to come back into the office at the door by the bathrooms. This way, I only encounter those in shipping, assembly and manufacturing who don't know who I am and would prefer that I not make eye contact. The only issue is, this puts me a little out of my way, thus increasing the urgency to reach teh bathroom.

Bottom line: WHY can't there be a bathroom on THIS end of the building? Not to mention the fact that there are about 150 workers or more IN the building - most of whom, believe it or not, are female, and there are only 6 stalls...and you know, ladies, that there's always one stall that is off limits as some woman decided to eat 100 bean burritos for breakfast and leave the evidence for you to find - ew....(side note - why is it that public restroom always smell like old lady poo?)

SO that is my TMI for you for the day. I have to pee, and dread who will jump into my path along the way. During my first trimester when more came out my body from all areas, I was stopped on a jog to the bathroom by and IT guy, and I plainly said to him, "If you aren't bleeding, I need to use the facilities - now." He moved out of the way.

THAT said - wish me luck and off across the world I go!

Let's Talk Stupid

Ah yes, stupid. Webster's defines it thus:

stu⋅pid
–adjective

1.	lacking ordinary quickness and keenness of mind; dull.

2.	characterized by or proceeding from mental dullness; foolish; senseless: a stupid question.

3.	tediously dull, esp. due to lack of meaning or sense; inane; pointless: a stupid party.

4.	annoying or irritating; troublesome: Turn off that stupid radio.

5.	in a state of stupor; stupefied: stupid from fatigue.

6.	Slang. excellent; terrific.

In short - it means "salesman." NOW I know a good deal of salespeople and they are NOT stupid. They function in society, can tie their own shoes and make a copy on a complex copy machine. It is not these individuals that today's lesson are aimed; it's the ones who I practically have to hand walk through the perils of the world like i do my toddler. Today I sat neck deep in a pile of stupid.

SO - let's say you are a great salesperson and the company pays for you to have an ALL EXPENSE PAID ALL INCLUSIVE TRIP to the Dominican Republic. Normal people would give a, "hell yeah, let's go" attitude. They would understand that it's a longer flight, but the destination is worth the trip. Let me say, my salesman friend is not normal (remember, the theme today is stupid) and he complained from the get-go with flight planning.

NOW world events as they are, there was a tragic LARGE earthquake off the coast of Haiti (a country on the same island as the Dominican) and devistation is still being counted. SO emergency services gets priority for travel. This means that the crappy longer flights are left for the sunshine, freeloading sales reps from my company. NOW stupid rep "Tim" gets his list of flight options from me and his response is, "What do you mean you can't get to the Dominican in one day before 3pm?"

Let's revisit the definition of "stupid" to gauge my feelings about this question:

1. lacking ordinary quickness and keenness of mind; dull.
   My dear Tim, the Dominican is 1/2 a world away from your little haven in the west. There isn't a direct flight. Get on the bus.
2. characterized by or proceeding from mental dullness; foolish; senseless: a stupid question.
   This needs no further explanation...
3. tediously dull, esp. due to lack of meaning or sense; inane; pointless
   This was my feeling when it came to explaining the shape and size of the world to Tim - he would only ask why he still couldn't get there in less than 6 hours.
4. annoying or irritating; troublesome
   Yes, yes he is...
5. in a state of stupor; stupefied
   This has been my state of being all day as Tim has coworkers who are also salespeople with the same fantastic questions.
6. Slang. excellent; terrific
   Let's just say this is a "stupid" definition and use of "stupid."

SO that is the full description of my "stupid" day with the "stupid" rep on this "stupid" subject.

THANK YOU for letting me vent, dear reader.

My own personal power plant...

This will be quick. I learned yesterday that I will have enough natural gas to power me into the next century. I could probably even sell some of it and make a small profit. With the world as it is, money is tight, and FREE is always good...well, it's not TOTALLY free...I'll have to invest for about 18 years or more and then some.

What am I talking about??

Ladies and gents, I am going to have another BOY! That means I will have 3 men stinking me out of house and home and building up natural gas by the metric ton. SO - in about 10 years, my house will be the smelliest, most efficient on the block. Clark's gene can pass on the ability to produce a green cloud that will clear a room, melt wallpaper and cause the DOG to leave the bed. I will have 3 of these in my home.

...if you have spare candles or nose plugs, let me know!

Blogging amiss...

So my husband has informed me that I need to continue my little blog. He loves those of our friends, and I guess I can try to add my opinions to those out there in the greater ether of blogging land...

SO here's today's thought: why aren't there any books out there toting the ups and downs of the SECOND pregnancy? There are umpteen million books on the arrival of your first little bundle of joy (though they conveniently omit the icky, sore and unexpected "joys" of carrying a life), but there are little if any out there giving second-time mom's the tools needed to prepare for #2. IN RECOGNITION OF THIS, I, Jamie Los, do hereby give you my list of things that second time mothers and probably beyond need to know:

1. When they say "no two pregnancies are alike" it means for YOU either.
   My first pregnancy was sunshine and moonbeams (minus some sciatic issues at the end). I felt good, looked good and had energy. In the grand scheme, I only had morning sickness once, during which my husband, let's call him "Clark," asked innocently, "why are you throwing up??" Despite this one nasty incident, all was well. The delivery was even a snap.
   
   Welcome #2. You know that feeling you get when you take NyQuil and you are just about to pass into unconscious bliss. You know, your head is light, your movements are slow and trippy and you want nothing more than to crawl into your bed and pass out. THIS is the state of being for me ALL DAY and NIGHT during trimester one of baby #2. Also, nausea, hip pain and even VAGINA PAIN are always prevalent...that brings me to point #2.
2. You have VAGINA PAIN....what the..??
   Ok, it's not INTERNAL pain - or a burning pain - we're not talking STD or a rash...this is a pulsing, bruise-like pain all around your soon to be mangled little friend that only intensifies after sitting too long OR engaging in marital Olympics with your spouse. It's enough that you almost - I stress ALMOST - want to call a massage therapist and have them spend 30 minutes massaging the area around your little friend. I asked Clark to do this for me...yeah, that was too weird for him.
3. You thought your breasts got big with #1...HA HA HA...
   Now in my family, being blessed with mammoth. copious breasts is both a blessing and a curse. A blessing for your significant other who revels in their soft, round comfort, and a curse for you as you try to find dresses, swimsuits and button-up shirts that fit your full cup size while not being too big on your smaller body parts. With baby #1, they do swell a bit and yes, once the Boobie Fairy comes post-birth bringing mommy's milk for the baby, they swell to mythic, beer commercial size. Your spouse is please but won't touch due to unexpected leaking......BUt nonetheless, you stop breastfeeding and POOF they deflate t a size smaller than pre-baby...your spouse is saddened.
   
   NOW for #2. You pee on the stick, get all excited and the Boobie Fairy now has you on speed dial. She hears your joy and the coming #2 and POOF - you are now the proud owner of two dwarf planets orbiting your body. They aren't just bigm they are HUGE. Bras don't fit. Shirts don't fit. they get in the way. Female coworkers remark, "Wow your boobs have gotten big....no really, I mean BIG." Gee, thanks. This leads to issue #4....
4. Get comfy in your old maternity clothes as you will be in them form DAY ONE.
   Yes...I was in maternity clothes at 6 weeks. It's like my body said, "OH YEAH, I remember this - ok fellows, let 'er go!" Suddenly you butt is large, your hips have exploded and 20 lbs tack themselves onto you overnight. That's all I have to say about that...excuse me while I lament my little underwear...
5. What is that smell??
   It's unpleasant, but ladies, let's be truthful with the world...we ooze. Women ooze. Constantly. Something is always coming out. Well, with baby #2, it's like a leaky faucet. Oh, and for an added bonus, it's odor is unpleasant and you feel like you need to bathe 24/7. To combat this, you use vaginal washes (avoiding the douche...ew...) and place a panty liner in your now LARGE underwear. Yes, you don't HAVE a period, but you need to still go thru the motions.
   
   Then there's the boob smell...see #6...
6. What's with the goo?
   Ok, you expect to start seeing "goo" coming out of your breasts in the 7th to 8th month in preparation for making nutrients for your little miracle, I get this. BUT with baby #2, the water works showed up around 12 weeks...and it is a little smelly, makes the boobs grow even more AND makes them too sore for the enjoyment of your spouse - sorry, Clark.

There you have it. My journey thru pregnancy #2 up to 20 weeks...yes, there are still at least 20 to go. Now don't get me wrong, I am excited and my hubby is too. I look at my 2-year-old and know he'll be a good brother. We're working on the baby room, and I am looking forward to birthing in non-summer heat. But, alas, there are the above issues. Now they aren't one at a time...no no no...these bad boys come as a package deal. A full set. SO ladies, remember, #2 may be the most smelly, sticky, gooey, painful, uncomfortable and plumping experience of your life - but at least the reward is worth the discomfort.