Blogging amiss...

So my husband has informed me that I need to continue my little blog. He loves those of our friends, and I guess I can try to add my opinions to those out there in the greater ether of blogging land...

SO here's today's thought: why aren't there any books out there toting the ups and downs of the SECOND pregnancy? There are umpteen million books on the arrival of your first little bundle of joy (though they conveniently omit the icky, sore and unexpected "joys" of carrying a life), but there are little if any out there giving second-time mom's the tools needed to prepare for #2. IN RECOGNITION OF THIS, I, Jamie Los, do hereby give you my list of things that second time mothers and probably beyond need to know:

1. When they say "no two pregnancies are alike" it means for YOU either.
   My first pregnancy was sunshine and moonbeams (minus some sciatic issues at the end). I felt good, looked good and had energy. In the grand scheme, I only had morning sickness once, during which my husband, let's call him "Clark," asked innocently, "why are you throwing up??" Despite this one nasty incident, all was well. The delivery was even a snap.
   
   Welcome #2. You know that feeling you get when you take NyQuil and you are just about to pass into unconscious bliss. You know, your head is light, your movements are slow and trippy and you want nothing more than to crawl into your bed and pass out. THIS is the state of being for me ALL DAY and NIGHT during trimester one of baby #2. Also, nausea, hip pain and even VAGINA PAIN are always prevalent...that brings me to point #2.
2. You have VAGINA PAIN....what the..??
   Ok, it's not INTERNAL pain - or a burning pain - we're not talking STD or a rash...this is a pulsing, bruise-like pain all around your soon to be mangled little friend that only intensifies after sitting too long OR engaging in marital Olympics with your spouse. It's enough that you almost - I stress ALMOST - want to call a massage therapist and have them spend 30 minutes massaging the area around your little friend. I asked Clark to do this for me...yeah, that was too weird for him.
3. You thought your breasts got big with #1...HA HA HA...
   Now in my family, being blessed with mammoth. copious breasts is both a blessing and a curse. A blessing for your significant other who revels in their soft, round comfort, and a curse for you as you try to find dresses, swimsuits and button-up shirts that fit your full cup size while not being too big on your smaller body parts. With baby #1, they do swell a bit and yes, once the Boobie Fairy comes post-birth bringing mommy's milk for the baby, they swell to mythic, beer commercial size. Your spouse is please but won't touch due to unexpected leaking......BUt nonetheless, you stop breastfeeding and POOF they deflate t a size smaller than pre-baby...your spouse is saddened.
   
   NOW for #2. You pee on the stick, get all excited and the Boobie Fairy now has you on speed dial. She hears your joy and the coming #2 and POOF - you are now the proud owner of two dwarf planets orbiting your body. They aren't just bigm they are HUGE. Bras don't fit. Shirts don't fit. they get in the way. Female coworkers remark, "Wow your boobs have gotten big....no really, I mean BIG." Gee, thanks. This leads to issue #4....
4. Get comfy in your old maternity clothes as you will be in them form DAY ONE.
   Yes...I was in maternity clothes at 6 weeks. It's like my body said, "OH YEAH, I remember this - ok fellows, let 'er go!" Suddenly you butt is large, your hips have exploded and 20 lbs tack themselves onto you overnight. That's all I have to say about that...excuse me while I lament my little underwear...
5. What is that smell??
   It's unpleasant, but ladies, let's be truthful with the world...we ooze. Women ooze. Constantly. Something is always coming out. Well, with baby #2, it's like a leaky faucet. Oh, and for an added bonus, it's odor is unpleasant and you feel like you need to bathe 24/7. To combat this, you use vaginal washes (avoiding the douche...ew...) and place a panty liner in your now LARGE underwear. Yes, you don't HAVE a period, but you need to still go thru the motions.
   
   Then there's the boob smell...see #6...
6. What's with the goo?
   Ok, you expect to start seeing "goo" coming out of your breasts in the 7th to 8th month in preparation for making nutrients for your little miracle, I get this. BUT with baby #2, the water works showed up around 12 weeks...and it is a little smelly, makes the boobs grow even more AND makes them too sore for the enjoyment of your spouse - sorry, Clark.

There you have it. My journey thru pregnancy #2 up to 20 weeks...yes, there are still at least 20 to go. Now don't get me wrong, I am excited and my hubby is too. I look at my 2-year-old and know he'll be a good brother. We're working on the baby room, and I am looking forward to birthing in non-summer heat. But, alas, there are the above issues. Now they aren't one at a time...no no no...these bad boys come as a package deal. A full set. SO ladies, remember, #2 may be the most smelly, sticky, gooey, painful, uncomfortable and plumping experience of your life - but at least the reward is worth the discomfort.